Unfortunately, whether you are in middle school, university, or even a professional job, the bullies never go away!
I know this, as I have been through every area of this. Bullying can be defined in many different ways. The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland has no legal definition of bullying, while some states in the United States have laws against it. This is a blog I have wanted to share for so long.
It’s personal, painful but has helped others when I have spoken, as well as it’s good to get things out, people who don’t speak up. It’s nice to know up aren’t alone.
Growing up, I wasn’t famous, intelligent, and mega pretty. Never smoked, did drugs, and did things the cool kids did to be rebellious; I didn’t, however, go through the emo stage… but that’s another story.
A lot of people think of bullying as pulling some kid’s pants up to give them a wedgie, getting lunch money out of them, or punching them to the floor; that’s what you might see on film. But one way to look at it is, have you ever been in love or been emotionally attached to anything? A pet, even your favorite jacket. It’s all emotions, so when someone is bad-mouthing you, talking about you behind your back, etc. That is affecting you.
I was shy and lacked confidence in the bully world….. oh, yes, fresh meat! I always struggled when I was younger; both my brothers were super academic, slender, relaxed, and everyone loved them.
My sister was as well; everyone wanted to be her friend or looked up to her, she had her difficulties like others, but other than that, they flew through school, having fun and living life…being the rebellious and adventurous one. Me not so much; it’s hard to talk about as you either seem as attention-seeking or welcome to the real world. I was so unhappy as much as people said I was happy…which is why when I talk about it, some friends will turn around and go “WHAT you weren’t bullied”!
I hated my weight, for starters, the days of bringing cucumber soup to school, not to mention living in Asia. I was already significant to let alone western big! Vietnam was probably one of the most challenging times. I had friends, loved doing sports, but something wasn’t right…. in 4th grade, a teacher I had at one school was so horrible to me that even my parents couldn’t believe she was a teacher, stating I was “too stupid” and “wouldn’t get far” as well as “needs to repeat a few more years of 3rd and 4th! ”
She always had it in for me. So I moved schools and was so much happier. But there will always be bullies, and you can’t run away from that. (Things you might not have known about me)
THE WESTERN LIFE
Moving to the Netherlands first than/ UK was a huge change; straighteners, top high street fashion, and cell phones of full range. I was like a lost puppy… I couldn’t afford all that; I had had a sheltered international life in LDC countries, I loved what I had, how life was, and it felt like this was the big evil world I was opening up to.
THE MEAN GIRLS
When moving back to the Netherlands (after living in Asia and Africa my whole life), I had a bunch of the “Mean Girls” laughing at me whenever I was doing a presentation for English or math, being horrible in class, even out of style when id walk by shouting rude remarks as if I wasn’t there. That affected me so much. I once walked from the store (Albert Heijn) to school, and one of the girls shouted, “How many months is she? Must be almost 9”. For me to run into the building and them all laughing at me about going to the principal. Or when I had a boyfriend at 14, they all didn’t understand how I was dating a high school guy.
Would shout out, “Look how far apart they are walking from each other…. How long until they slept together they have gone out for ages!” You know what’s quite scary, I still remember the day, where they were sitting, what was all going on, it was the summer just before the holidays, EVERYTHING. Parents would ask you to forget about it. Indeed, it’s not worth it, pathetic.
Being quiet feels painful, but speaking back won’t help either. As well as at the back of your mind, you are constantly thinking, why me? What have I done to them?! No one else in my group had issues! Which is why they didn’t see it or understand. I felt hopelessly alone; It wasn’t until my father passed in 2006 that they stopped, news travels fast, and then it was the “Omg, I’m so sorry” situation… “Get me out and away of all of this id think.
I wasn’t treated as a human; I was merely a figure or object for them to play around with when suited, which was probably one of my most immense lows at that time.
When I started college (which I chose to do out of my own will and leave my family at 16/17 to study acting), I couldn’t complain; it took me a while to fit in; everyone knew each other from school, where I knew no one. I do have to say I have made my best friends in college!
They are my rock. People who I can call without that “ohhh hi yah im good,,,, you? It’s moh”Ok; we haven’t spoken in like eight months but omg. “WHAT IS THIS VERO THING!? AND YOU HAVE A NEW DOG CALLED DOCTOR WTF MAN!? “
But of course, difficult patches were starting. Even throughout, firstly being away from my family, I was used to this international system, so being the only one who sounded American…. for starters. WHICH I AM NOT!
Make me somewhat alienated… I used to sit in the canteen alone, feeling lost, walk home after class and people shouted fatty out the window. I would get home and cry. At this time, I was living with my Aunt/Uncle and two baby cousins. I think over did I make the right choice moving?
Should I have stayed in The Netherlands, my confidence was non-exciting! I would remember calling my younger brother asking for advice on making friends. Something that always sticks, which he said was, “Just go and sit next to people in the canteen or in the class, ask them something related to the topic you are doing, conversation will flow.” However, having this happen to me so much, it’s hard to do so.
A few months passed, and I slowly fit into the class… I ended up getting a job part-time after college too, and of course, bullies, people making your life so hard when it doesn’t need to be.
WORKING LIFE STEP 1
I had a difficult time with someone I worked with (As I am sure most people do), Not to mention I worked in retail that is a hard enough industry as it is.., everyone noticed it as well; I would dread going in on Sundays because of this, I started to gain confidence, but started to lose weight, but started to get angry more than upset. This full-grown woman twice my age was pulling me down!
People would text me stating she’s so mad you didn’t show up! (When I had a holiday booked and was home with family, she even made my life hell than too! I would be polite, fake as nothing else was working… Still, I never found out why; the managers and even one of the big bosses knew.
But hey ho.
WORKING LIFE STEP 2
Since I have worked various jobs met incredible people, great brands, learned a lot which has helped me get to where I am today, one of which is a sore subject, still to this day, I’m like, why is this poison part of the company! You move on, but it’s incredible how badly one person can make you feel; it’s so unnecessary and uncalled for and how they can not handle the slightest bit of guilty is beyond me.
As life goes on, you enter a lot of this; I am a sensitive soul, never a bad thing on anyone, and like to give people the benefit of the doubt! Bullying comes from all areas, jealousy, greed, or even just entertainment on their behalf.
Bullying uses force, threat, or coercion to abuse, intimidate, or aggressively dominate others. Being told by people how fat I was or how I want academically intelligent will shoot you down. It’s so easy for an outsider to say, “Well that’s in the past what’s done is done.” WRONG ANSWER! It’s never done.
You need to be you, do what makes you happy, and treat people how you want to be treated. You won’t be able to please everyone. However, you can please yourself and the people close to you. It’s essential to have your friends on your side, no matter the situation.
Something that might surprise you, here are a list of celebrities who were bullied super severely; check out their stories.
- Kate Middleton
- Elon Musk
- Michael Phelps
- Lady Gaga
- Eva Mendes
- Chris Rock
- Justin Timberlake
The strange thing is 17 years on, I have looked back, and the popular ones at school who brought me down aren’t doing anything today. I have grown, matured, excelled in my skills, started a business, and continued my travels; it’s like they say (Never bully the smart kid, they will end up being your boss one day).
Ok, I wasn’t brilliant, but you get the point. What pulled me through was friends, family, and thinking….. I’m better than this! I will show everyone one day. I finally gathered the positives in life and surrounded myself with people who make me feel good; yes, you will always encounter bullying somehow. But when someone is horrible to me, know. I smile, listen and walk away.
Now that is an emotion that will make you grow and confuse them. It’s going to affect you, but no matter how old, what gender, sexuality, size, etc., everyone knows you, if it means you need to move school, or leave a job, sometimes that’s what you need to do, to open up excellent undiscovered opportunities.
Are you being bullied, at school, at work, or even at home? Talk to someone; you will be surprised what is classified as bullying, leading to depression, anxiety, and more. You’re Not alone, whatever your age, job, location, and stage in life! Now go and show people what you are made of!