Oh, musicians. They’re a special breed, aren’t they? Their mysterious little habits and lifestyle, a blend of endless passion and perpetual coffee consumption, make them truly unique.
If you’ve ever spent time with a musician, you’ll know they do things that mere mortals can’t comprehend. It’s not their fault – or is it? Let’s tune into the quirky symphony that is a musician’s life.
1. Hear the World as an Endless Stream of Samples
Every sound a musician hears is potential material. The clink of a coffee mug, the rhythmic hum of a printer, and the din of city traffic all serve as potential material for musicians. They’ll whip out their phone faster than a gunslinger at noon to record a squeaky gate because, “That’s the perfect sound for my new track, bro.”
2. Carry an Instrument Like a Security Blanket
Have you ever seen someone walking down the street with a guitar on their back, a drumstick in their pocket, or a harmonica in their hand? That’s a musician. They can’t help it. The thought of being more than an arm’s reach away from their beloved instrument causes them physical pain.
3. Spend More on Gear Than on Rent
Yes, that $3,000 guitar was essential. No, it doesn’t matter that they live in a one-room apartment with questionable plumbing. Priorities, people! Plus, they needed that loop pedal because Ed Sheeran has one. It’s all for the art, don’t you know!
4. Have More Unfinished Songs Than the Library of Congress
Every musician has a digital graveyard of unfinished symphonies. It’s like a musical purgatory where half-written verses and chorus-less tracks float around, waiting for the divine inspiration that will probably never come.
5. Talk in a Secret Code
The uninitiated may perceive musicians as speaking in an ancient dialect. “The track needs more compression,” they’ll say, “Let’s take it from the bridge after the second chorus.” And don’t get me started on time signatures. Playing in 7/8 time is not a ploy to mess with the heads of non-musical folk. Who knew?
6. Obsess Over Vintage Anything
If it’s old, it’s gold. Musicians will go to incredible lengths to find that 1960s compressor or a vintage mic that John Lennon once coughed on. They’ll insist the crackles and pops add “character” to their sound. It’s not noise; it’s nostalgia.
7. Develop Bizarre Superstitions and Rituals
Musicians often have strange rituals before they perform. Whether it’s doing vocal warm-ups that sound like an exorcism or wearing the same “lucky” shirt to every gig, they’ll do anything to appease the music gods for a stellar performance.
8. The Eternal Quest for the Perfect Tone
They can spend hours tweaking knobs on amps, pedals, and mixing boards in pursuit of “the tone”—a mythical sound they’ve heard in their heads since they first picked up their instruments. Spoiler: The tone does not exist. However, it’s best not to reveal this information.
9. Name Their Instruments
Meet Clara on the Clarinet, Gary on the Guitar, and Peter on the Piano. It’s normal to name your instruments and talk to them. They’re part of the family. Yes, they have distinct personalities. Obviously.
10. Use Their Case as a Makeshift Table
A musician’s case isn’t just for their instrument; it’s a multi-functional piece of furniture. It has been a dinner table, a seat, a footrest, and a pillow. And let’s not forget, it’s a makeshift billboard plastered with stickers from every dive bar they’ve played in.
11. Argue About Who’s Better: The Beatles or The Stones
This debate is as old as time, and every musician has a passionate opinion. They will fiercely defend their choice as the embodiment of musical innovation. Spoiler: It never resolves.
12. Get Lost in the Gear Vortex
Have you ever seen a musician walk into a music store? They’re like kids in a candy shop, except the candy costs thousands of dollars, and they can’t just eat it and forget about it. They’ll talk shop with the staff for hours, only to walk out with a pack of strings and a renewed sense of gear lust.
13. Experience an Emotional Rollercoaster While Writing
One minute, they’re the reincarnation of Mozart, birthing harmonies that’ll make the angels weep. In the next moment, they begin to believe they are devoid of musical ability. The journey is exhilarating.
14. Be Perpetually Broke but Somehow Afford New Gear
The calculations consistently fail to add up. The bank account says ‘no’, but somehow, their equipment is always up at rehearsals. They’ll eat ramen for weeks to afford that new effects processor.
15. Play Air Instruments…Expertly
A musician will start air-drumming or air-guitaring without even realising it. And they’re darn good at it, too. They can perform flawlessly without a real instrument.
16. The Never-Ending Sound Check
To the audience, it’s a simple “Check, one, two.” To the musician, it’s a meticulous quest to ensure the snare has the right amount of snap and the bass doesn’t sound underwater. The sound check can last an eternity; some swear they’ve aged a year between the “check” and the “two”.
17. Hoarding Cables Like Doomsday Preppers
The average musician has enough cables to rappel down the Grand Canyon. They have backups for their backups, and some of those cords have not been used since the Y2K crisis. But ask them to part with one, and you’ll see a grown adult clutch cables like Gollum with his precious.
18. The Mystical Art of ‘Feeling’ the Music
Musicians can close their eyes and sway as if they’ve been transported to another dimension. They’re not just playing music but feeling it, riding each note like a surfer on a wave. To them, it’s a transcendent experience. Others might just be battling a mild case of vertigo.
So next time you see a musician getting lost in their world, nod respectfully. They’re doing the hard work of making life sound much less boring — one quirky habit at a time. And if you’re a musician reading this, go ahead and embrace your unique ways. The world wouldn’t spin right without your offbeat rhythm keeping time.
