Getting Cold Feet Before a Wedding: Is It Just Me?

Let me set the scene: I had chosen the flowers, the playlist was perfect, and my dream dress was hanging in the closet. Everything was set. But about a week before the wedding, I found myself sitting in my kitchen, staring at a cup of tea that I wasn’t drinking, my stomach in knots. Cold feet. I had it bad. And if you’re reading this, I’m guessing you might be feeling the same.

The realisation struck me unexpectedly. One minute I was totally fine, and the next, I was questioning everything. Is this the right choice? Am I rushing into this? What if I mess up? An unexpected wave of anxiety drowned out my excitement.

The funny thing is, now that I’m married and living through the actual marriage, people love to tell me how “marriage is so hard” or how “the first year is a nightmare”. It’s as if everyone feels compelled to warn you. But let me tell you—those pre-wedding jitters are nothing compared to the love and partnership you’ll build if you’re marrying the right person. However, this doesn’t diminish the reality of feeling uneasy in the moment.

What Cold Feet Really Feels Like

Here’s the truth: cold feet isn’t about doubting your partner. It’s more like freaking out about the enormity of the whole thing. The idea that one day could change everything—it’s overwhelming. It feels like standing at the edge of a cliff, knowing you’re about to jump, but your legs refuse to move.

For me, it wasn’t even about the relationship—I was totally in love with my fiancé. But that pressure? It’s real. Weddings involve more than just love; they involve meticulous planning, setting high expectations, and ensuring flawless execution. And when everyone around you starts asking if you’re “ready”, the doubts creep in. I couldn’t help but think, what if I fail at this whole marriage thing?

Am I the Only One Feeling This Way?

Spoiler: No, you’re definitely not alone.

Almost everyone I spoke with acknowledged experiencing hesitation before their wedding. My friend Sarah even confessed that she had a mini panic attack in her car the day before her ceremony. “I thought I was going crazy,” she told me. “But then I realised, it’s normal. You’re about to commit your life to someone—that’s a big deal!”

Even wedding planners and marriage experts agree that cold feet is super common. Dr Scott Stanley, a relationship expert, says, “Pre-wedding jitters are completely normal. The key is distinguishing between healthy nervousness and signs of serious concerns.”

How I Coped (And How You Can Too)

So, how did I deal with it? Here are a few things that helped me push through the nerves and get to a place where I could walk down that aisle with confidence.

1. Talk It Out

Keeping those feelings bottled up is the worst thing you can do. I called my best friend and spilt everything—every fear, every irrational thought. She listened without judgement and reminded me that nerves are part of the process. It felt beneficial to say it out loud: I’m scared. Sometimes, just acknowledging your fear takes away half its power.

2. Write Down Your Why

I wrote a letter to myself, outlining all the reasons I wanted to marry my partner. The content wasn’t just a mushy love letter. It was useful: how we help each other’s dreams, how we argue, and how we complement each other. Writing it down made me realise the story was about our life, not just a wedding.

3. Accept That Perfection Doesn’t Exist

I realised that no wedding—or marriage—is perfect. And that’s okay. The pressure to have everything go flawlessly can fuel a lot of the anxiety. Once I let go of perfection, I was able to breathe again. If something goes wrong, it’ll be a funny story later (and trust me, I have stories). What matters is the commitment you’re making, not whether the cake has the right number of tiers.

4. Focus on the Bigger Picture

I started to think beyond the wedding day. Yes, weddings are a beautiful celebration, but they’re just one day in a lifetime of days together. Whenever I felt overwhelmed by details, I reminded myself why we were doing this in the first place—to build a future together.

After the Wedding: What Happens Next?

After the wedding, you might find people continuing to say things like, “Marriage is the hardest thing you’ll ever do,” or “Just wait until the honeymoon phase is over!” Honestly, it’s important to approach these statements with caution. Yes, marriage takes work, but it’s also a beautiful adventure that evolves every day. Those feelings of uncertainty are fleeting.

Final Thoughts

Feeling uneasy before your wedding doesn’t indicate that you’re making a mistake. It means you care deeply about this giant step you’re about to take. If you’re feeling anxious, know that you’re not alone. Lean on your support system, talk it out, and remember that those nerves are completely normal. When the big day comes, you’ll be ready. And once you’re married, you’ll look back and laugh at the panic you had over whether or not the napkins matched the tablecloths.

You are capable of overcoming any obstacles.