Welcome to the relationships corner, where we talk about love, trust, red flags and all the uncomfortable questions people secretly Google at two in the morning. Today we are diving straight into a topic that everyone thinks about but rarely wants to say out loud. How do you actually know if your partner is cheating
Not the dramatic movie signs or the secondhand gossip from a friend’s sister’s neighbour. We are talking about the real clues that come from someone who has seen the truth up close: a private investigator.
Tom Martin, a long-time PI, breaks down the twenty most common signs of infidelity in his book Seeing Life Through Private Eyes. And if you have ever felt a twist in your stomach about something that did not feel quite right, this list might feel a little too real.
Before we dive in, a reminder. Do not assume someone is unfaithful because of one odd behaviour. Context matters and relationships are complicated. But if a few of these signs start lining up, it might be time to pay attention.
The Four Big Warning Signs
These are the first clues that often appear when someone begins cheating, according to the PI.
Frequent sudden business trips
Especially if they have never travelled for work before. Keep an eye out for unexpected meetings or overnight stays.
Sex has changed dramatically
The nature of sex has undergone significant changes, ranging from slight modifications to complete transformations. Some change is normal. Dramatic change can be noteworthy.
They get defensive about everything
Ask a simple question and suddenly you are in an argument. People who are hiding something often react too strongly.
They are staying at work later than usual
Sometimes work really is busy. But if late nights become constant and explanations become vague, keep it in mind.
The Full List Twenty Common Signs Your Partner Might Be Cheating
Here are the twenty signs Tom Martin says are worth paying attention to if something feels off.
- Sudden change of habits
- Leaving home early and returning late
- Unusual number of business trips
- Missing family events without clear explanation
- A noticeable increase in overtime
- Unexplained spending
- Secret or hidden social media accounts
- Hidden credit card bills or statements
- Excessive grooming or sudden effort in appearance
- Smelling like someone else
- Buying gifts you never see
- Finding unexplained items such as condoms in the car
- Suddenly joining a gym
- Missed calls from unknown numbers
- Texts that seem coded deleted or overly private
- A clear drop in intimacy
- Evasive or defensive behaviour
- Telling obvious lies
- Becoming short-tempered
- Dislike of surprise visits which can interfere with secret plans
These signs alone do not prove anything. But a pattern can point to something worth discussing.
What The Private Investigator Says About The Future
Interestingly, Martin says the need for professional investigators is changing. In his interview with The Independent, he explains that technology has transformed how infidelity is uncovered. People leave digital evidence everywhere and most partners can do their own digging long before a PI steps in.
What You Should Actually Do If Something Feels Wrong
Before you start rifling through messages or turning into a detective, take a breath. There are healthier and more effective steps to take.
Check your own feelings first. Are you reacting to a moment of insecurity or is your intuition telling you something is genuinely off
Communicate calmly. Open, honest conversations can solve far more than accusations.
Look for patterns. One sign means nothing. Several signs appearing together deserve attention.
Protect yourself emotionally. If the truth does come out, remember that someone choosing to cheat is a reflection of their character, not your worth.
The Final Word
Cheating is painful confusing and often blindsiding. These twenty signs are not here to inspire panic. They are here to give clarity. The most important truth is that trust grows through transparency communication and consistency.
If someone is right for you, they will show you through their actions. Every day. Without excuses. There are no disappearing acts to be found. Without lies.
